The Skirtingboard People are "louche pixies" who live behind the skirtingboards (baseboards) of Johannes Cabal's home and carry rusty panel pins (a very thin, short nail) as weapons. They wake Johannes up at 4:17 every morning, although they sometimes come out at 4:17 in the afternoon, uttering complete nonsense. "What they usually say is something achingly obvious or irrelevant. 'You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him wash it all off, Johannes!'" One morning, they issue Cabal a personal warning. The Skirtingboard people come to a rather messy end and are used as a cautionary reminder to the Things in the Garden, when the Things in the Garden are considering eating Cabal in his weakened state at the beginning of The Brothers Cabal.
Appearances: "Johannes Cabal and the Blustery Day"
- The Skirtingboard people are inspired to the fairie-like evil beings in Guillermo del Toro's movie "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark", which also fear the light and whose major mean of attack is to pierce with pins and sharp objects the eyes and other sensitive parts.